So, I really should b studying for my midterm tomorrow or working on some definitions that need to be defined, but I really feel like blogging because I really don't know where I put my original journal! That thing holds my whole life! I don't know what I would do if any body found it. So I haven't heard from him in like more than 24 hours, and it makes me kind of sad, like does he even care?? Maybe I'm just a bit too clingy, and this is just teaching me to get my stuff together since I have things to do. I mean, if he were any other guy, he would be texting me all the time, calling me all the time. At least if he did, it would show that he cares and he's thinking about me. Some times I just don't believe that he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I don't know, maybe I'm just thinking about this too much. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who's loving too much. It just weird because I'm not used to having someone like him who doesn't want to talk to me every waking moment, or constantly checking up on me, sending me good morning/good night texts. I miss those. I think they're really cute. He's just not that kind of person I guess. I'll just have to live with it, I mean it'd be nice for him to just do it. Whatever, he has his ways. I already AIMed him and called, and he never responded to me. I guess he's busy, but whatever. I'm not going to try anymore. I wish I could just remove him from my mind because obviously I'm not on his. Well, how do I know. he says I'm always on his mind, but I just don't see it. It's not believable because he's not constantly keeping in touch with me. Maybe I just need to chill. I mean you can't get everything you want. It just sucks because when he goes back, how will this work? He can't even keep in touch with me when he's not doing anything, what's going to happen when he is busy all the time with his friends?
I keep picturing what it will be like when he leaves in my mind. I keep replaying, imagining what it will be like. I took him to bring his sister to the airport, and saying goodbye at the security point, just made me realize that soon, it would be him leaving me, and the worst part is I don't even know for how long. I see myself clinging to him with tears in my eyes, and when he finally turns to leave, he glances back one more time, my last view of him, my last memory of his face, and then he's gone. I turn to Will, hug him and start crying my eyes out. I seriously think I'm going to go through a state of depression when he leaves, kind of like Bella did when Edward left her. At least school will be over and it won't hit me when I'm going through finals, at least I hope it doesn't. I seriously need to pull myself together. I keep having these random crying moments, breakdowns, meltdowns, whatever. I have never felt this way in my entire life. Just the thought that he is not always going to be there, while every other couple who is together and don't have to worry about their lover leaving, 6,525 miles away. Dang, my life sucks. Well, I don't know what's going to happen. He might... I don't know. Only God knows, and I'll follow where ever he leads.
This whole thing has got me thinking about soul mates now. People that find their lover in another country marry them because they think they are the one. People always say there are plenty of fish in the sea. Is it possible to have more than one match then? What if you and another person were truly meant for each other, but it was just impossible? Then haha obviously he/she is not the one. Ok, fine. This sucks. My life sucks. I really don't know what is going to happen. I should get started on studying now. Peace.
